The Prophet’s Marriage to Aisha

As Muslims we already know that  none has ever showed better character or more piety than that of Muhammad (pbuh).  Allah (swt) says in the Quran, “And Verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted (standard of) character” (Surah 68, verse 4).  In an authentic hadith narrated by Anas: The Prophet said “None of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father, his children and all mankind.” (Bukhari V1, B2, Hadith 14).  Once again as Muslims we know and believe in these three statements with all of our hearts.  However, how well do we actually show our belief and love for our Prophet (pbuh)?  When we hear a bad word uttered against the Prophet of Allah (pbuh) we become enraged and distraught, but how well do we really defend him?  Many of times, even with good intensions, our own ignorance can become ammo for those who mean to make a mockery of our faith.  This is precisely why it is our duty as Muslims to seek knowledge from Allah as much as we can.  How are we supposed to love this man more than ourselves if we do not even know enough about him to defend him against those who speak ill of his name?
So, how do we defend our Prophet (pbuh), from common misconceptions?  Let’s say that your name is Mustafa and you overhear someone saying the following:
Not-Yet-Muslim:  (talking amongst his friends) “So guys, I was reading about Islam on the internet, and man there are some very crazy stuff on there!  Did you know that the Prophet (pbuh) that Muslims believe in had a six year old wife! ”
Mustafa: “Hey man I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.  What website did you say you read all of this information on?”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “O I read it on wiki-Islam… You know the really authentic website that anyone can edit whenever they want.  They have a lot of information about Islam on there.”
Mustafa: (with a blank stare) “Yeah I’m sure they do… You know the stuff that you read online isn’t always accurate.  If you have any questions about what you came across please feel free to ask me.  Insha’Allah, which means God willing in Arabic, I will be able to help clear up some misconceptions you might have.”
So what exactly is this misconception that we are trying to clear up?  In recent times, many Not-Yet-Muslims have had a negative view on the Prophet’s marriage to Aisha.  What’s worse than the harsh words of the disbelievers is the shyness and sometimes even embarrassment amongst the believers upon confrontation of this topic.  Once again our own ignorance is what’s fueling these attacks against our religion.  How should we handle these kinds of issues?  Let’s ask Mustafa.
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Well, did your Prophet (pbuh) really sleep with a six year old?”
Mustafa: “No, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did not.  First, I would just like to mention that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was not just our Prophet.  In fact, Allah says: “And We have not sent you (O Muhammad) except as a bringer of glad tidings and a warner unto all humanity; but most people know not.” [Sûrah Saba’: 28], but don’t worry we can come back to this later.  You said that you read this on the internet right?”
Not-Yet-Muslim: “Yeah, that’s right.  I know it’s probably not the best source out there, but if I am not a Muslim (yet) and don’t believe in the Quran (yet) then what else is there?  It’s not like we can ask Aisha (ra) how old she was.”
Mustafa: “You would be surprised to know that we actually can.  See the companions of the Prophet (pbuh) narrated a great deal of the Prophet’s (pbuh) life, sayings, and teachings.  One of the most famous of these narrators of hadith is Aisha herself. Narrated ‘Aisha:  that the Prophet married her when she was six years old and he consummated his marriage when she was nine years old, and then she remained with him for nine years (i.e., till his death). (Bukhari V7, B62, Hadith 64).”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “So, she was six?”
Mustafa: “Yes, but there are two separate events in this hadith.  The first is the actual marriage.  When Aisha was six years old, Muhammad (pbuh) asked for her hand in marriage.  Upon accepting this request she stayed to live with her parents for another three years.  It wasn’t until after Aisha reached the age of puberty that she moved into the house of Muhammad (pbuh) and consummated the marriage.
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Isn’t it unlikely that she reached puberty at 9?”
Mustafa: “No, not when you understand the context.  See it is only in the early 1900’s that Muhammad’s (pbuh) marriage to Aisha became an issue.  Even the Quraysh, who persecuted Muhammad (pbuh) severely and sought every opportunity to mock him, never criticized his marriage to Aisha.  Why is this?  Because it was an absolute norm.  We have to understand that women at that time and in that place were not the same as our women today.  Science has proven that hot climates can dramatically affect the age at which a women reaches maturity.  Along with the hot climate, they were also living in a harsh environment.  Maturity often times meant survival.  These people would often go days without food or water.  It was nothing like today’s day and age when if you’re hungry all you have to do is go to the fridge or drive to the nearest McDonalds.  Even as a kid you had to actually work for food.  Shorter life spans coupled with higher infant mortality rates meant that women had to start procreating at a young age to increase their chances of having a child that survives pubescence.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “O wow, those are pretty tough living conditions!”
Mustafa: “Yeah, they were.  Next time you hear your parents go on a long spiel about how in their day they had to walk five miles, uphill, and through the snow just to get to school, you can tell them that kids around the time of the Prophet (pbuh) were walking in sever heat through the sand just to try and find some food and water.  Puts a little perspective on things, doesn’t it?”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Yeah, it sure does.  Okay, so I understand what you are saying about women reaching puberty faster, but is that really that significant?  Even if she did reach the age of puberty, isn’t 9 years old still a little too young to be getting married?”
Mustafa: “Well, what age would you think should be the youngest age a woman can get married?”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “I don’t really know.  I guess here in America I think the minimum age is 16 or 18.  That sounds like a good number.”
Mustafa: “Well what if I told you that in more than three states in America the minimum age when a girl can get married is 15.  This is the actual law in Hawaii, Indiana, and North Carolina.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Well if that is there law, then I guess that is fine.  There is bound to be some distinction between states.”
Mustafa: “Well in places like Kansas, Michigan, and New York you can get married at 14.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Well that is still their law.”
Mustafa: “In New Hampshire you can get married as young as 13 years old.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “I never realized there is such a wide range of ages even within one country.”
Mustafa: “Yes, there is and you agreed with all of them.  Now if there are these many differences among one country imagine the difference between the whole world.  Now you can see that it really does very on the place and time.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “So, I guess we can’t definitively say what the minimum age a women should be before she gets married?”
Mustafa: “Well maybe we can.  Puberty has always been nature’s way of telling us when is the natural time a woman can get married.  After all, the biggest significance to a woman reaching the age of puberty is that she can finally have children.  What would be the point of our body telling us we can now have children, if society tells us we still cannot get married?  So, we can see, through nature itself, marriage at a young age is natural and always will be natural.  In fact, Islam is the only religion that prohibits the marriage to minors (Quran 4:6).
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “That really makes sense.  I guess I just never looked at it that way before.”
Mustafa:  “So do you still see something wrong with the Prophet’s (pbuh) marriage to Aisha?
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “No I guess not.”
Mustafa: “Good, that means that now I can show you how his marriage to Aisha was really quite a blessing.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “What do you mean by that?”
Mustafa: “Well, have you ever thought about why the Prophet (pbuh) married Aisha?”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Not really, I just assumed he did it out of his own desires.”
Mustafa: “Well, we know from Aisha’s own narration that Muhammad (pbuh) did not marry her by choice.  Rather he married her because it was the will of Allah (swt).  Narrated ‘Aisha: That the Prophet said to her, “You have been shown to me twice in my dream. I saw you pictured on a piece of silk and some-one said (to me). ‘This is your wife.’ When I uncovered the picture, I saw that it was yours. I said, ‘If this is from Allah, it will be done.” (Bukhari V5, B58, Hadith 235).”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “So, his marriage to her was really a command from God?”
Mustafa: “Yes, another contradiction to the false claim that Muhammad (pbuh) married Aishia out of his own desires is that he already had the chance to marry any women he wanted.  When Muhammad (pbuh) first started preaching the message of Allah (swt), the Quraish offered him money, elevated status, power, and the ability to choose any women he wanted to be his wife’s if he stopped preaching the message.  If Muhammad (pbuh) wasn’t really a messenger of God, and instead was acting on his own desires then why would he not accept this proposition?
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Well, I guess if he really wasn’t a prophet he would have accepted those terms.”
Mustafa:  “We as Muslims owe a great deal of gratitude to Aisha.  Aisha was not only one of the greatest scholars of her time, but also one of the leading narrators of hadith.  It is through her that we gain a great bit of knowledge that probably wouldn’t have been known without her.  It is narrated By Ibn ‘Umar: Allah’s Apostle said, “Amongst the trees, there is a tree, the leaves of which do not fall and is like a Muslim. Tell me the name of that tree.” Everybody started thinking about the trees of the desert areas. And I thought of the date-palm tree but felt shy to answer the others then asked, “What is that tree, O Allah’s Apostle?” He replied, “It is the date-palm tree.” (Bukhari V1, B3, Hadith 58).  Subhan’Allah this hadith shows how much respect and love the companions had towards Muhammad (pbuh).  When Muhammad (pbuh) would ask the simplest of questions, his companions feared to answer him because they thought that he might give them an answer better than theirs.  This is where we can see one of the many blessings of the Prophet’s (pbuh) marriage to Aisha.  Since Aisha was only 6 at the time she married Muhammad (pbuh), she never felt as shy around him.  At 6 years old Aisha obviously had a very playful and inquisitive side to her.  Because of this, when Muhammad (pbuh) made a statement she was one of the only ones that was able to ask questions about his statements.  She had that blessing of having a very close relationship with the Prophet.  Obviously with her being the wife of the Prophet (pbuh) she was also able to ask personal questions that others would never dare to ask.”
Not-Yet-Muslim:  “Wow, all of this is really making sense to me.  I would have never thought that something I looked down upon so much was actually very beautiful and full of wisdom.  What else can you tell me about Islam?”
Does Not-Yet-Muslim accept the religion of Islam?  You can help decide that!  We all know that guidance can only come from Allah, but as Muslims we do have a part to play.  We are responsible for spreading the message of Islam in a positive light.  Think of all the good your religion has done for you.  Now just think of all the people that are missing out on that because they have not yet seen Islam for its true beauty.  Next time you hear someone say something negative about Islam take a stand.  Start a friendly dialog like this one, and help that person see Islam’s beauty.  After all, Allah swt may choose to make the Not-Yet-Muslim you’re talking to a Muslim through your actions.  May Allah (swt) help make Muhammad (pbuh) more beloved to us then our own family, friends, and own selves.
Jazak’Allah khair for reading,